Sunday, January 30, 2011

Forgetting Oneself

 Looking for sand crabs in Santa Cruz, CA

I think the aborigines of Australia have it right. In life, we are constantly redefining who we are.  We are not the same people we were a year ago or 5 years ago. The aborigines believe that when you change something like a profession or the things you like to do that it's time for you to change your name, but only when you're ready to do so.  If you were a musician before and you decide to become a hunter today; you would then choose to pick a name around the word "hunter". It is then celebrated by the tribe and considered a type of birthday or a day of renewal in your life....born again into someone new.
On Mt. Tam, across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisico

Climbing the Rincon Mountains with my dear friends

In my twenties, I lived an adventurous life of uncertainty and excitement.  I did so many things that it felt like I lived 10 lifetimes in 12 years. At the time, I specifically loved teaching Spanish. However, I always dabbled in nature and enjoyed climbing, hiking, and anything else I could do outdoors on my off time. 
Working at Point Beach State Park  in Two Rivers
Helping tourists and busting underage drinkers, watching deer walk around the booth while having my morning coffee in the stand ......perfection.
I'm not sure if anyone feels this way about their current jobs, but I have been going through a change of my own this past year.  I used to love teaching a lot, but it's just becoming something that I do.  I switch it up, change projects around, research the latest info for the Spanish classroom, but it's not that exciting/challenging for me anymore. People ask me why I don't go into administration and at that point, I want to laugh.  For them, it's about money and leaving the classroom. I work with Spanish only in the education system because I enjoy both the kids and Spanish. Everything else is rather terrible. The kids have a blast and we laugh a lot, but there's something else inside of me that is telling me to do something new. I have a student teacher who is great and full of energy and I see a lot of myself in her when I first started out.  It's always great to watch these "kids" become young teachers. Adding another adult in the classroom allows me to help that student to teacher ratio a bit which keeps getting larger every year.  I always ask them why they want to be teachers and why specifically Spanish?  Before I take them on, I need to know that they are passionate about the language and that they are interested in helping others learn the language. Anyone who says that it seems to be the right thing to do or it just seems like I should settle down are denied:)  In any case, my job is fine, but I am looking to add another dimension to my work. I think we all get to a point in our jobs when we start questioning, "What more is there?"  I'm at that point now.  Gardening and writing this blog have shown me that I am capable of more, but I don't know what the next step is and I think with a bit more time, the answer will present itself.
A summer spent camping at the beautiful state parks of Wisconsin. Parfrey's Glen, WI

I've become so afraid of change that I don't take those risks like I used to.  And to be honest, a risk at our older ages is much more scary than the ones we make when we are younger.  You build a lot of things by staying in one spot....friends, saving, retirement, home, your own doctors, etc.  But you also can lose that edge....I've been trying to reconnect back to my crazy twenties and be more spontaneous, but it's not easy.  I would love to work outdoors for a living. The part I don't miss about my twenties is the partying, drinking, or the weird dates I went on.  For those of you dating now, I apologize, but there are a lot of whack jobs out there.  Have fun, but be careful and always meet at a cáfe first (or somewhere public). My single friends in their forties and fifties are really questioning being in a relationship again after the peace and quiet of single life. But alas, dating can be fun and they have some great stories to tell on lunch breaks:) 

Wildflowers outside of Yuma, AZ. I don't know why I was dressed so formal or where I was going, but I do remember an amazing display of wildflowers that year:) In the last pic, we were somewhere outside of LA.  It was close to Mt. Strawberry..

So the question before me now is where do I go from here?  Is this what we may call a midlife crisis?  I'm not sure it's a crisis just a new direction of interest and focus.  All I know is that I am so happy to be doing the things that I used to do and it feels good.

In the next several blogs, we're going to travel to several different areas around Texas and talk about more prep work on the Spring projects.  I don't blog all day long, but I do write everyday setting up different posts.  I am working on a report from Biosphere.  We were at the site today and I did my investigation and reporting.....but I forgot my memory card for the camera!!!!!  Thank goodness they sold disposable cameras or I would have been really upset.  Note to self, buy more spare memory cards:)  We'll see how the pics turn out.  I hope you find it interesting.  It was a beautiful day outside.  Until next time, happy gardening! 


  1. So, what is your new name? :)

  2. This was most enjoyable to read.
    Yes I think it is a passage you are on..good for you
    change your name....don't have to quit the paying job...just expand your life


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