Deeper Than The Moment

The Bonaparte's Gull

In many ways, I have battled in this life with those social demons of societal "norms". My struggles and adventures have been shared with a few friends, but in all my years, I have done most of it alone and from the heart. No one made the rules for me because there weren't any.  People tried to give me their set of rules but they were based on fear and hurting others who were "different". Today it's much easier for our youth outside those "norms" to seek the help and advice they need.  And so allowing people into my life has always been a guarded and sacred thing.....for true emotion is not to be wasted on those who are careless and undeserving of the heart.

Friendships are made and kept over this life of mine because they are meaningful to me.  Even if we've all changed over time, I still treasure those bonds we created years ago. Friends, true friends, are much harder to find. They are like extended family.  People you can trust with your secrets.  They don't judge you, but they'll tell you the truth.  So while we may not always agree; we have respect for one another.

I am so lucky to have my other half Pat with me on this journey.  Pat has been my anchor during the good times and bad. But mostly they are wonderful.  So it wasn't like I was looking to develop another friend attachment.  All of it was quite accidental really. 

My life has changed now in a direction I least expected.  If you would have told me 10 or 20 years ago that I was to become a birder, I would have laughed.  Today I stand here at the edge of my own world spreading my wings because of my dear friend Kathie. There is no turning back now.  Every moment and experience has led me to this point in my life.  I must see the vanishing world.  I must see as much as I can before I die....or before it's gone.

Lewis's Woodpecker

I have found most of the common birds in Arizona and have discovered that my eyes are now digging hungrily deeper into the grasses and forests....uncovering even more birds that I had not seen before. Kathie and I have been a team for over a year.  And like any team working together with so much practice, we've become a dynamic duo.  We've honed in on our skills and learned to work like detectives finding elusive and hard to find birds.  And because of our love for birds and nature, we've put in many hundreds, if not a thousand or so, hours of field work together.

Broad-billed Hummingbird

People ask us if we have spouses.  Yes we do.  They join in on the fun when we're not birding together. But that doesn't stop us from texting or facebooking our latest finds while on the road away from each other.  Because of this constant communication, I found that I was developing that human bond known as friendship.

A nesting male Elegant Trogon

And now it's time for us to say good-bye.  When she first told me the news that they were leaving for the east coast, I had a human physical reaction known as crying:(  Like all friends and loved ones in life, they come and go. They are here and then they are gone....sometimes forever.  She taught me the protocols for being an excellent birder. Then she became my friend.  We can say that things won't change, but they do.  They have to change in order for us to grow.  And when she told me that they would be leaving very soon, I wasn't ready for the emotional meltdown that followed.  I hate human emotions. I especially hate expressing any emotion in front of people for I am a proud Scorpio.  If you have friends who are Scorpios, remember to give them shocking news by note or a text so that they can process their emotions in a quiet corner of the world away from people:)  I knew she'd be moving at some point (because that has been her life).  I just didn't think she'd be moving so quickly!

At Pinetop

But how does one go back to the same spaces and not think about the past?  A bittersweet thought. We've walked the canyons searching for the Elegant Trogon.  When we found him, we shared that special moment in silence under the dark skies of the dry river bed.  When we explored the rugged Box Canyon, the tire blew out and we changed it together making a stressful situation less....stressful.  At Florida Canyon, Kathie and I climbed a nasty rock spot where I blocked her from falling further down that terrible rock face. We climbed into the dark trees of Miller Canyon where Kathie found her first Mexican Spotted Owls. And we discovered that she was better at listening to directions than I was:) We spent a brief weekend camping up on Pinetop skirting a threatening and angry storm. Then we dodged falling rocks along the canyon walls as we hauled tail back to Tucson only to discover a magical space along the way near Winkelman called Christmas.  We watched thousands of Sandhill Cranes fly around us at the Whitewater Draw in the freezing temps. How do I go back to these places alone without thinking about those incredible times? So many incredible memories.

So when we stood one last time at the Whitewater Draw together watching the cranes call and fly around us, I couldn't think about the birds.  All I thought about was how much I'd miss my friend and how I'd miss sharing those epic moments together.  Change is exciting but saying good-bye is never easy.  And it will take time to adapt to her absence. But for now, in the way only a birder can do, I dedicate the Green-tailed Towhee as our official friendship bird.  It was the first incredibly strange bird I found with Kathie while on our first ever trek into Agua Caliente park.  Every time I see this bird on my walks, I will always think of that first awe inspiring moment with Kathie.

The Green-tailed Towhee

We'll bird again someday, but for now, I'm going to miss you....a lot.  Thank you for taking the time to show me what it is to be a good birder.  And thank you for your friendship. We've had the most amazing times and adventures.

Las Huellas Del Pasado

The great pyramids of Tikal

When one thing leads into the next, I begin to make connections on a universal level. 

Brown Jay

While all of it appears, smells, tastes and feels differently; it really is the same. We are all the same.

I noticed how the wildlife clung to these ancient pyramids.  The extremely rare Orange-breasted Falcon actually nested on one of them.  A very special and sacred moment to witness in the wild. We could lose these birds in the very near future. 

White-nosed Coati

Human kind will come.  And human kind will go.  And we will be the cause of our own extinction if we are not careful.  I now see in person what is happening on our planet.....and it is overwhelming.

Orange-breasted Falcon

During this day of VERY rare and special finds in Tikal, it all made sense. We are not islands anymore. We are all connected. What happens in one place affects us all.

"Someday we'll fall down and weep...and we'll understand it all, all things"  
from the Tree of Life (Two students created a video for a project in my literature class back in 2011)

Sanctuary

Our bodies were exhausted.  Our minds, from the constant day to day challenges, were fried.  Camera straps bruised  my shoulder.  The constant carrying of equipment, guarding our gear and securing it all was draining.  On our last night, Lynda purchased a little piece of joy in the form of a 5 star hotel.

The place was secure, relaxing.......and a place to let our hair down.  Guatemala has lots of wonderful accommodations in Antigua and Flores, but they become harder to find as you leave these areas. We entered the dark monastery and discovered a peaceful retreat where we could finally sleep. Our showers were hot. And most of all, the place was hidden from the rest of the world. 

The hotel is built around former monastery ruins.  It is a place for the rich to relax and escape before heading home. For us, it was a treat to have just one night here.  In the background, recordings of chanting monks are played throughout the old stone hallways.

At night, the solitary blue green waters of the pool called to me. My body was sore and bruised from the bird hikes.  And I submerged into the steamy waters alone and let my body finally relax.  No more birds.  No more anything.  For two hours, I watched the monsoon skies light up the top of a volcano. And I allowed myself to clear all my thoughts so that nothing remained inside.  No stress.  No worries.  No words.  Just the deeper reflections in life that nothing is really THAT important nor worth the stress that we all carry within ourselves.  All that matters is now.  I watched water glide with the movement of my hands. Water evaporated from the pool like the mist does from the early morning hours on the Amazon river. A breeze carried the ancient songs from the Baroque period. A singular...solitary...moment.

For within this museum/hotel, I was reminded that it's all we have. It is strange to compare our now with their past.  Were not their emotions similar to our own?  How much of what we do truly matters? A universal truth for all of us.

My mind wanders much these days.  Perhaps it's the wildlife chases.  Perhaps it's about getting older. Perhaps it's that there isn't much to say that hasn't already been said before.  It's one historical repeat after another. Are we as different than those who came before us?  It's all a bit humbling.

On our last night and day in Guatemala, we walked the historical grounds of the hotel.  It was nice to have peace of mind after long and challenging treks both mental and physical. As one adventure ends, another is just waiting to be discovered.........

Gobble Gobble!

The Ocellated Turkey in Tikal National Park

First off, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving here in the US.  It's a holiday of food, fun and a jump start to the holiday season.  For me, it's the beginning of another epic birding trek somewhere special.  Where will it be?  You'll have to stay tuned. But let's talk turkey.....

Merriam's Turkey on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon

Turkeys are amazing.  I love to see them in nature and in one instance, I was so focused on my photography that both Kathie and myself were surrounded by turkeys!!!

We had a good laugh as they approached us.  Attack of the killer turkeys!!!

I have been fortunate to see the other variety of turkey in Guatemala....the Ocellated Turkey!!

Wild Turkeys are making a huge comeback in the United States and their range is spreading little by little.  So many people take them for granted, but I remember a time when they weren't so common.  This bird had been wiped out from the landscape due to overhunting. Today the permits are strictly regulated in many states.

And even though I'm a birder,  I do enjoy the taste of turkey on Thanksgiving day.  Is that a bad thing?  If you are looking to try out something new and different with turkey, might I recommend a delicious soup from Guatemala called Kak'ik? It's seriously awesome and even writing about it now makes my mouth water. I'm a Spanish teacher and if you want some extra credit, try this Mayan dish out.  So if you have leftovers.....and who doesn't?.......might I recommend a little international fun to excite the taste buds.  

I've been a little slow on the writing and commenting this past month, but I assure you all that I have been reading your blogs.  I just haven't been commenting on them as much. Yes, I'm a turkey, but it has actually been quite nice to read all of your work like I would a newspaper. It's my daily lunch ritual.  I get my salad and sit down at the computer.  And then I read your work and thoughts:) No word verification or clicking boxes.....just reading.  I've also been on the road with Kathie a lot this month.  We've had great adventures across Southern Arizona and those stories will be told.....eventually.  But for now, it's time to relax and enjoy life....and the cooler weather again!  Happy holidays everyone! And don't forget to check out Wild Bird Wednesday!

Owling Around

Northern Saw-whet Owls

On my trip to Wisconsin, I had hoped to find the Northern Saw-whet Owls that were migrating through our area.  Several weeks in advance, I called a local birder by the name of Bernie.  He's a really nice guy with lots of great stories.  Two years ago I reported on Woodland Dunes from my hometown and it's a fantastic place to bird! And the walks are incredible as well!!! But I wanted to see something I had never seen before....the banding process behind Owls.  I knew it was done with little birds and hummingbirds, etc, but with owls!!!???  So I set something up with Bernie so that I could watch.  They were getting ready for their big Owlfest that weekend.   But we were heading home before that time.  So I'd like to say to Bernie, "THANK YOU!" for that opportunity.  It was fun hanging out with other owl aficionados and the evening was incredible.

So how is it done?  Well I arrived at the specified time and place given to me and reported to the crew.  The areas studied are off limits to outsiders which included myself.  Three NSWO's were ready to be banded when I got there and I watched as the crew began to ID the birds.

I'm a huge owl fan and have to say that this was really interesting.  The crew measured the wingspan to determine age, etc.  There was a chart that determined the sex etc of the owl based on the measurement, etc

This little guy went upside down into a cup and was placed on a scale to measure.  When that was finished, the banding began.

After that process happened, the owl is ready for release.  This little one is held this way so that the wings are kept in place.  The feet go between the fingers with the hand closing around the feet to keep the owl in place.

Our next owl went through the same process.  I watched as they marked the wing feathers on this bird.

And then this Northern Saw-whet Owl goes through the same process.

This is a great example on how the owls are held when they are ready for release.  Being a wildlife lover, I sometimes have a difficult time with the idea of banding, but I understand the importance of studies and migration, etc. For me, handling owls is a sacred thing.  The owls are held captive for that time period and there is a lot of trust that goes into this banding process. Bernie's crew did an amazing job going through the steps together. During this entire banding process a lot of education went on between the members and it was wonderful.  Then it was my turn to help release. 

Here is a team learning how to band owls.  They are in training and obviously a lot practice and observation goes into something like this before a person can begin to band.  And then I was able to release the last owl. I can't describe to you all the excitement I had taking the little one back out to freedom.  As I set him on the ground,  we looked at each other for a moment and then......flutter flutter!  The owl disappeared.  It was the most thrilling evening ever.  A northwestern wind blew in that night and carried many more owls into the Two Rivers area.  I heard many of them in the night skies.  Evening birding is truly exciting.  And a little banding to boot!

A special thank you goes out to the dedicated members of Woodland Dunes who shared with me that special night.   If I lived back home, I would be there to volunteer all the time.  The Dunes are some of the last intact tracts of land around my hometown.  They are home to many many species.  Bernie, I love you!  I can't tell you how much I appreciated the opportunity.  If you come down to Southern Arizona again, I would be honored to take you guys out birding.  I'm linking up to Wild Bird Wednesdays! 

Divergent Paths

This past week, a very special lady passed away at the young age of 59.  She was the Aunt I never knew I had. Since I cannot be there for her funeral, I will tell the story about how I met her and my Uncle Tim only years ago. But to understand it, I'll have to tell you my father's story.......

During the second age, my father was born from a woman who could not keep her child. Her boyfriend ran away and she was left pregnant.  Society considered this a faux pas back then and everything was quietly handled.  Another couple who could not have children, wanted desperately to become parents.  They went through the adoptive services and found my father.  The couple loved him very much but never spoke in great detail of the adoption.  And it was never an issue for the young man.  But there it remained in the back of his mind for many years.

His biological mother married.  However, the man she met this time around was a keeper. Together they raised a large family with many children. But the adoption was never mentioned.  And it was something the woman lived with for many years.  The guilt and pain of giving up her first child stayed with her for many years. For this is not something men may understand.  I am told when a woman gives birth to her child, it is a bond that lasts forever.

The son and King Tuzigoot from a recent photo shoot on Lake Michigan

On the other side of the state, the son grew up and he, too, had a large family.  Because for him, he needed to fill in a piece that was missing.  He married his high school sweetheart and together they created a family of 8!  At this point, his first born, me, entered the picture.  The young man becomes my Dad.  And we live our lives not knowing about my father's adoption.  It didn't matter because my Grandparents were my Grandparents.  Period.  Nothing would change that fact.  Until my sophomore year of high school.  My mother mentioned to me that my father was adopted.  I was in shock....and not because my father was adopted.  I grew up thinking my parents to be rather boring people unaware that they had lived complicated and exciting lives.  Ignorance was my middle name. I asked my father if he would investigate his past.  And at the time, he told me perhaps down the road.  I mistakenly asked my Grandparents about the adoption once during lunch and I was met with dead silence. It was horribly awkward. I only did this because my parents were very open and transparent about their feelings as were my siblings. In a large family, it's difficult to keep secrets:)

What's better than Christmas and getting my first camera??!!!  My Grandparents:)

My grandparents were born around the beginning of the second age(the early 1900's). When horse carts became cars.  When gravel roads became paved.  When Scarlet fever still took people's lives. When people from the United States Civil War still lived.  World War I, World War II, the Great Depression. It was a hard life and very different than it is now.  Matters such as adoption were kept secret and out of respect, I never asked them again. You may find it funny that I address things as the first, second or third age but it's true.  The First Age were the migrants that arrived on the Wisconsin farmlands from Germany, Sweden, Norway, etc (my great and great great grandparents) learned English as a second language. The 3rd age marks the end of all things wild and innocent.  It was the onset of electronics in the early 80's.  The technological age.  But that write is for another time.

Years would pass.  My Grandfather died and my widowed Grandmother was 90 years old.  My Dad was experiencing some health issues and wanted to know what was going on.  My mother told him that it was time to find the answers.  And Dad began to search for the people responsible for his creation.

 Elsewhere, the also recently widowed and unknown woman from the forested village of Antigo had no more children at home.  They all grew up and married.  She was a grandmother now. Her phone rang and she answered. The lady on the other end asked, "Is this Mrs. Lorraine Duffy?"  The adoption center told her that there was a man wanting to speak with his biological mother. A week later after many tears shed between the mother and her lost son, the entire family met together and the secret was revealed.  A guilt lifted and new beginnings were had.  Enter Karen Duffy....the liaison of the family.  The great communicator.

An entire family reunited. Pops is to the far left

My family was happy for our father.  It was amazing how they all acted the same, talked the same, and even looked the same!!!!  So many new aunts and uncles!  While the news was exciting, it wasn't received well by all.  I still had a Grandmother who didn't know that her son was searching for his biological mother.  So several of us stayed firm that we would never call this new woman Grandmother.

Here I am meeting Lorraine for the first time.  

We really liked her very much but the title "Grandmother" was already taken by two other amazing women.  However, everyone had so much fun and it was like the years of separation did not matter....and Lorraine won the respect and love of a Grandmother.

The special lady who helped reunite two families into one....Karen!  She's on the far right.

But stubborn me.  Stubborn ol' me.  I didn't want to betray my Grandmother's trust or love. I spoke with her every Sunday about gardening and other things....like her amazing recipes for cookies and dressing.  And this is where the Aunt, I never knew I had, stepped in and offered me an olive branch.  My Dad's biological brother Tim and his wife Karen came to Tucson. We had such a great visit that I knew I had to open my mind up to redefining family.

As time would go on, my Dad would lose his mother(my Grandma) and then his biological mother. They would have a few years together before she passed.  When we were home visiting, we always went to visit Karen and Tim.  They became part of the "must visit" stops.  And Facebook allowed us to share pictures and our lives.  Then Karen became sick.  Everytime we came home she would get a little worse.  My brother married and we saw her lose muscle control at his wedding.  The next time she was in a wheelchair.....and then she disappeared off of Facebook.  She no longer could type.  Several days ago, she finally passed from her suffering.  It will be a hard thing for all of our families as she was not only the "hub" or connector of the family communications, but she was also a genuine person with an amazing heart.  Little do we know how much time each of us has been granted in this life.

And spouses:)  Karen is in the striped sweater. Lorraine is in front.

It is for that reason, I'd like to dedicate this post to Karen and her husband Tim for their love and hospitality. While Karen may not physically be here with us, her memory will live on in our hearts.  I'd like to wish her well on that journey we will all have to take. You will be missed dearly by so many people.

The first time we all met