The Cape Verde Chronicles The Final Entry

The thing I wished to happen in Peace Corps happened, but not in the way I expected.  Some people go their whole lives not knowing what they are doing or what their purpose is.  And that was me until one November day when my world would turn upside down.  I will always have Cape Verde to thank for that because it changed me....for the better.  Perhaps I would still be "lost" today searching for those things that had already been there....my family, my home, and my friends.  The Spanish speaking world is magical to me and I've always felt at home traveling to these magnificent places.  In a sense I never truly experienced culture shock like I did until living on the islands of  Cape Verde.  And all of this had to pass outside of my comfort zone. Today I end my memoirs from this interesting country.

Dated October 15, 2000. "My roommate Sydney writes back home to her friends that she is trapped on this God forsaken island!  I laugh outloud.  I love her humor and wit.  She's wonderful to have for a roommate and friend.  I just feel terrible for being a Downer Debbie all the time. Lately my energy has not been there.  I feel tired all the time and it's physically difficult to get out of the bed.  I want to sleep all day long!  We purchased paint for our house and I'll begin soon.  The other day, while I was teaching, a student by the name of Malika touched my butt.  I ignored it thinking it was a mistake, but then it happened again.  I had a chat with her about appropriate behavior.  Several nights later, I hear voices by our house early in the morning.  Apparently, there is a boat operator that takes Cape Verdeans to the other islands.....I open my shades and find Malika staring back at me!!!!  Creepy!  I wonder how my other friends are doing on the other islands.  And I wonder if they are having the same kinds of experiences."

Dated 10/18/2000 "I can't do anything today because I am sad....and angry. I wish I could be back home for Tommy and Evie(our family friends who were our neighbors and like part of our family since childhood.)  But I can't.  He's dead and I'm here. I want to be there for Evie.  Oh goodness....I don't know what has gotten into me.  You think things will always remain the same but they don't.  I'm the one who does all the crazy stuff but everyone else is supposed to stay stationary and wait for me to grow up.  How selfish is that?  My thoughts are with you all back home."

Dated 10/22/2000. "Today was a good day.  I went biking to Buracona....a pool that is created by waves crashing against the shoreline rocks.  It was rather beautiful....and a bit scary as well.  We went to see a Brazilian film.  One of the 30 year old teachers brought his 13 year old student.  They were dating.  I don't know what to say about any of this.  People justify this by saying, "It's the culture."  But it makes me sick to my stomache. To make matters worse, I saw the Principal escorting another woman who wasn't his wife! All of the volunteers witness this in some form.  Women are just objects that need to obey the man.  Swimsuit competitions happened on the islands.  Old men judged 7th grade girls in swim gear on several of them.  I don't know if I'll ever understand any of this.  I left the concert series disgusted but came upon a ritual in the streets that held me captivated.  Imagine dark cobblestone streets.  Women dressed in black wailing in a songlike manner as they carry a casket down the street.  A polio outbreak has happened on our island and it claimed a man's life. I went back to my garden...my sanity and headed towards the roof...the best place in the world.  My feline friend came back to visit.  I warmed some milk up and fed her.  She thanked me with her eyes and instead of running off, she stayed with me for a time."  It was here that things started changing for me.  I began to miss Tucson. Miss my family......and I began to feel the power of "nesting" or settling down somewhere to call home. You may wonder, where did Tucson come from?  Like something buried in the back of my mind, the memories of living there came back to haunt my final days in Cape Verde.  I had lived in the Bay Area, Mexico, Wisconsin, and Tucson.....and it was Tucson that screamed loudly in my head that night. I had always felt that there was something better than Tucson, but kept comparing the Old Pueblo to all the places I had been....and nothing could compete with the majesty of the Sonoran desert.  Not even the tropical rain forests.  I loved the desert....just not the dunes I was living on!  It was here that I discovered that not all deserts were the same:)

Dated October 23rd, 2000.  "Our roof cat and her friends are doing a great job capturing the cockroaches.  We don't have them as an issue anymore.  BUT we did have a moment in the house.  I heard screaming coming from my roommate in her room.  Apparently a spider the size of China escaped the banana boats and entered her room.  The thing was HUGE!! and fast!  Spiders give me the heebie jeebies but we finally caught the sucker after it sped all over her pepto pink walls:)  Nasty!  The lesson?  Never leave clothes or papers piled on the floor.  The other day, I made the same mistake and found a lizard on my floor hissing at me.  It was one of the endemic ones found only on this island.  I carefully released him outside.  Yikes!"

Dated October 28, 2000.  "You hear the theme to the Pink Panther in the background.  All is calm in the house and Sydney walks across the hall to whisper something to me....and suddenly a furry little head appears from the doorway.  But it's coming from the guest bedroom!!!  Apparently rooftop kitty has entered our house!  She waits for her food and meows if we don't feed her.  By 9 AM, we put out a bit of milk for our new family member. I am still very sick and haven't been able to work.  Something is wrong with me....and my roommate. Last night, in a moment of panic, I ran to the bathroom to throw up, use the facilities, and pass out all at the same time.  I have lost a lot of weight. We are being med evac'd back to the main island for a possible infection of giardia.  Syd's friend Mary came 2 nights ago to say goodbye.  We sat under the lights of the night sky by the ocean and it was sad.  I couldn't eat anything because I wasn't hungry.  We came back from the trip and I found a huge poisonous centipede on our floor.  I screamed bloody mary and tried killing it but it wouldn't die....so I took the broom and swept it out of the door.....and at that same time, I found a huge cockroach from hell in the room....I sprayed all over the house....Sydney says that I am trying to kill her....but this house will be BUG FREE....and proud to be:)  If you've ever had a cockroach crawl over your face while you're trying to sleep, you'd understand:)"

Date November 8th, 2000.  Syd and I were both flown back to Praia for health reasons....blood, urine, and "other" not so pleasant tests were given.....and this is what we discovered...Syd lost 26 pounds and I lost 20!  When everyone saw us, they were shocked by the weight difference.   Syd is still suffering from the headaches, but at least we are on the mend again. To end on a funny note.  I don't think I will ever forget the day I was teaching to my class and watched as a woman was hanging up her clothes to dry.  There are monkeys on the island of Santiago and one of them was held as a "pet".  The monkey got free and grabbed the broom from her and attacked.  That was awesome.  Note to self.  Monkeys were never meant to be pets:)"

Dated November 12, 2000.  "Today we went to Santa Maria...Syd and I....and we went swimming...and it was absolutely gorgeous. However, the waves are powerful!  I got caught in a current and thrown on my head.  Ouch!  The garden is growing wonderfully and looking great!"

Dated November 22th, 2000. "There's nothing like seeing dead cockroaches in your water tank!!! Nasty nasty nasty! Tonight I worked out in the garden and things are growing extremely well. We are the envy of the neighborhood.  Someone asked me to grow pot for them, but I don't think that's such a good idea.  Dust, sand and grime gets all over my clothes, but the minute I walk onto our enclosed patio...it's like the garden of Eden.  It's sanity to my days of children jumping thru windows and hitting other kids, asking inappropriate questions...saying inappropriate things.  In fact that's the word they are learning..."inappropriate".  A student actually screamed "porco" or pig at me when I told her to stay on task.  I then responded "RUA!" or street.  She left and I continued my lesson to the 70 children in my classroom."

The days continued on until the "snap".  I was painting in my room.  The wall was blue.  I had painted so many times before over and over again....but it was this time painting that clarity happened. Pure. Simple. Clarity.  I was tired of painting walls that weren't my own.  I was tired of traveling around the world not having a home.  Wasn't it supposed to take 2 years for me to figure things out?  Apparently not.  I had had it with everything. And so for the first time in my existence, I realized that my life couldn't be placed on hold anymore.  Settling down and maybe getting into a relationship was important.  Owning a home was important.  I tried running away from Tucson, but the further I went, the harder it became.  Simply put....I missed this city immensely.  Why?  The University of Arizona operated on these islands to reforest them after the Cape Verdeans destroyed most of their vegetation.  Today you will find a lot of mesquite trees growing in the landscape.

I would not last more than 6 months in this country and it was the best decision I had ever made for myself.  A strong goal seeded itself within me to return to Tucson. For the first time in my life, I ended something before completing it....and it was liberating. I've never quit anything before! And for the first time in my life, I grew up and the selfish college kid died. I returned home to Tucson, bought a house, painted my own walls, and got into a relationship.....I guess all the things people do when they reach "the age".  Before Cape Verde, I lived all over the Americas.  Today I have Cape Verde to thank for enriching that which is most important.....home and knowing who I am. And I am so thankful everyday I wake up that I had this experience. 

Buracona on Sal

Here's our feline protector:) So what about the "snap"?  What exact moment was it?  Well I'll tell you.  I was painting my walls blue in my bedroom and listening to the radio to Melanie C "I Turn To You." And I don't think I've ever had a clearer singular moment than that in my life.  I was given a direction or a push that I had never experienced before. Today, I'm proud to call Tucson my home and it's good to be back here again.

1/18/2015-3 years later.  My thoughts today.  Young and foolish.  Inexperienced.  The simple fact that debt can dictate a person's life.  So many factors played into this decision but I didn't know what had happened when I had snapped.  Perhaps it was instinct that was leading me to make the right decision.  That was one of the most singular and powerful moments in my life.  Today, after all that has happened, I hope to go back to the islands again and revisit my past.  A former student is there having the time of his life.  And I have birds to find.  Everything changes.  We change.  Turning 30 sans everything people were "supposed" to have and in debt scared me.  We are free agents up until a certain point in our lives and then we become slaves to our dreams.

The Cape Verde Chronicles Part 4

Memory Lane

From the last time we met, I found out that I was assigned to the desert island of Sal.  No plants, no vegetation.....just dunes, the sparkling warm crystal blue ocean waters of the Pacific, and yet the sight of another drier island known as Boa Vista covered in sand dunes nearby.  We would experience the "Bruma Seca" or the Sahara storms off the African continent as they traveled hundreds of miles across the ocean.  The winds would be so strong at times that cars would be turned on their sides.  I even remember a fork off the road was picked up by the wind and thrown against our home window which shattered the glass panel.  Everyone was to move to the inside of the home.  Everyone thinks living on an island is wonderful, but I'm here to say....it's not:)  There's nothing like feeling helpless or trapped as an ominous dark cloud approaches your home from across the ocean....and there's nowhere to run.  My move to Sal would be "the snap" that I needed to help me focus on what is important in this life.  Today if I ever travel back, my view of the world will have changed and I would look at this country in a new light.  A beautiful woman by the name of Cesaria Evora would teach me the meaning of "Sodadi" or loneliness in my own American way. RIP my barefoot diva...your music is some of my prized collections.  Your words haunting and full of yearning...."What more is there?" So here are more chronicles of my experiences...

Corn makes cachupa!

Dated August 29th, 2000. "Mr. Hankey would like to sing you a song.....and it goes something like this...."Poo is in the air....everywhere you look around!!! I am "emailing" you from the sunny and windy Sal....Things are going well here....and at first I thought I was going to hate this place....but things have turned out better than I ever could have imagined. This is the biggest place for tourism and until this weekend I didn't know why.....but then I saw the miles of beaches. The sapphire sparkling water is warm, the waves incredible, and it's only a walk away from our house! However I can see both sides of the island at certain points. I'm trapped here."

Our farewell..

My letters get progressively worse. Dated October 26th, 2000. "I miss Central America, South America....Mexico.  I wonder if coming to this part of the world was the right decision. My group that was once 30 is now 24....another volunteer has returned back home.  She was on the island of Santo Antao....the GREEN island! Last night my awesome roommate, Syd, made some type of fried egg sandwich which tasted really good.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  She has kept me from going insane.  The students here are a nightmare and not like the ones on the main island.  We had a knife incident, a 20 something guard having relations with one of my 8th grade girls,  a teacher dating one of his students, rocks thrown in thru my classroom windows at other students....one getting hit in the head.  Is any of this worth the headache or the frustration?  Or the worst part...tourists interrupting my class to give the "poor" African children candies.  All they want are handouts.  None of them know how to do things for themselves.  It's a strange culture.  In Espargos, the capital of the island Sal, the students are really wonderful, but then I have to head to Santa Maria for the other half of the day.....and this is the tourist town.....and the real issue.   To find happiness, I go to my rooftop and watch the planes fly overhead.  Big large planes.....flying to different destinations all around the world.  Sometimes I just hang out at the airport to be around people coming and going....to make me forget.  I've taken so many things for granted in life.  A kitty comes to my roof and looks at me.  I remember both my cats back home and I offer our little visiting friend leftovers.  She stares back at me."  This cat would become our "pet".  She was feral but she also controlled our cockroach population.

My awesome future roomie on the island of Sal!

October 28th, 2000.  "I hate it here.  I've walked the island and while it has its beauty, there aren't any plants!  My neighbors have several in pots and they are treasured....like gold.  Water is a finite resource here and it only comes once a week to fill our tanks.  If we forget to turn the spicket on, we won't have water to wash our clothes, cook our meals, or take cold showers with!.  They say Tuesdays are the day, but that isn't always true.  It requires constant checking to make sure that we don't flood our tanks and have water flow into our home.  My roomie is wonderful.  In a moment of inspiration, we went to buy concrete blocks to create planters on our patio.  Thank you Grandma and Mom for sending vegetable seeds.  Our patio is now a container garden.  I don't know what I'd do without it.  Everyday I check to make sure caterpillars aren't eating the leaves.  I've set a box near where I garden for my cat friend to sleep while I work with the plants.  The soil here on this island is no good.  We brought soil in from the other island and it is doing the job. "

Watch your feet while swimming:P  These little black sea creatures will sting you:)
Tomorrow I finish the series of this life changing adventure.....

 Ancient ruins from a time past....near Cidadi Velha.

 My worst fear.  Fish food.  Looking at this pic makes me sick. But maybe you think otherwise:)

 Traditional Batuk dancers

 An island in the middle of nowhere.  Sodadi.

The last shot is the one that seemed to always happen to us.  We had an exhausting day and during a quick sit, goats decided to rain on our parade.  But to be honest I had some fun here.  My friend was irritated:)  I mean who doesn't love goats!?

 Chilling with my host brothers in a ribeira where farmers grow their fruit trees

Market day

The Cape Verde Chronicles Part 2

My journey continues in the beautiful country of Cape Verde. Here is another letter dated July 31st, 2000. "As I type to you now, a cockroach has left my keyboard....um....this is actually quite gross.....no I haven't changed.....things are quite nasty here at times.....but they are also just as fascinating.....sometimes I want to scream and other times I just smile.  The other day I was walking in Tira Chapeo(a place to throw the hat)....a very poor neighborhood in Praia.....it was like watching those shows with the skinny kids and seeing flies all over the place....and on their faces....people living in VERY poor conditions....I went through my first culture shock.  We walked these streets that were very narrow and dusty....I found the bone of a human mandible with teeth still intact on the ground.....there was a smell that overpowered me at times......and there are moments when I almost lose my lunch.  Streets are lined with trash and there are areas where humans just used the bathroom right on the sidewalk.....which includes number 2 if you know what I mean....and I walked with my sandals through it all.....To make it worse, I see pigs eating the diapers off the road. Here garbage is thrown everywhere! I suppose this is good for me to see, but it challenges me more than I want to admit to others.....because I need to be the strong one. Yet we pass a home where a dead man lies on his bed with his loved ones surrounding him before they put him into the simple wooden casket and carry his body to sea.  A man without legs scoots out from his home on only his arms.  It shocks me.  In Cape Verde, the disease is chopped off instead of treated.  The treatment is too expensive. Eventually we end up at a home where women gather.....and it reminds me of why I am here.  The stories.  The adventures.  The knowledge of existing in a world so foreign to me outside of my comfort zone.

Making cachupa

I love this place....weird as it sounds...there is something here that is very alluring.....and it happens with a simple random act of song.  Boy can they sing here!  We're sitting around the table.....the women started to clap....then pound on the table....then both.....there was laughing and happiness....and then they broke into an incredible dance of song with rhythm so unique to the area.  I witnessed an authentic West African dance! and one of the most amazing things I had ever seen......it was a great way to end that trip to the neighborhood.  Well the best was in the shower afterwards as I washed the dirt and smells off my body. 

Pedro Badeixo

My host father, from Senegal(and very French) pulls out this beautiful lobster for a snack.....and I look at it as it looks at me.....you all know how difficult this is for me.  I am not a fish person. I might be able to eat this lobster, but it's looking at me and I want to run into the other room.....I just don't want to be rude.  So I stay.  He breaks the lobster open and all this stuff gushes out....right there.....I want to throw up....but I stay and begin eating it with him.  I have traveled all over the hispanic world without incident, but nothing prepares me for this experience.   At first, it is actually good....the tail part and the claws....but then he doesn't stop.  He goes for the lobster brains and I start getting sick.....and I forced myself to eat this chilled delicacy and dip it in the sauce.  I gagged and almost lost it at the table so I politely excuse myself to the bathroom where I brush my teeth.

In my house, there is a mouse......he is my good luck charm and there is a huge millipede walking around at night by my bed and I scream as I almost step on it.......This is going to take some getting to used to....

Last night I had a magical moment.....it was in the city of Cidadi Velha(the Old City)....it was a small town along the ocean....old cobblestone streets.....and sugar cane.....coconut trees.....bananas.....and coffee!  A tiny area surround by a lush landscape!!!  I was in heaven.  And there is a wonderful breeze to move the air.....live music on the street.  Two canoes on the ocean with candles lighting the way with the sparkling night sky above us......it was indeed a moment and one that makes me smile. 

Well enough of this chatter.....I hope you are all well....all my love.  Kreesh"

Lol!!  What a wimp I was!!  That's why getting older is great!  It's hard to reprint some of this stuff, but it helps me understand why I have a higher tolerance for things.  This past summer in Panama, my friend went through these same feelings during our stay at the turtle conservation program. I now understand why I was patient about it all:)  When we leave our comfort zones, we are tested by facing those unknown challenges.  We can either learn from them or run back to our security. Either way, it's a learning experience.  More adventures to come.....