Deeper Than The Moment

The Bonaparte's Gull

In many ways, I have battled in this life with those social demons of societal "norms". My struggles and adventures have been shared with a few friends, but in all my years, I have done most of it alone and from the heart. No one made the rules for me because there weren't any.  People tried to give me their set of rules but they were based on fear and hurting others who were "different". Today it's much easier for our youth outside those "norms" to seek the help and advice they need.  And so allowing people into my life has always been a guarded and sacred thing.....for true emotion is not to be wasted on those who are careless and undeserving of the heart.

Friendships are made and kept over this life of mine because they are meaningful to me.  Even if we've all changed over time, I still treasure those bonds we created years ago. Friends, true friends, are much harder to find. They are like extended family.  People you can trust with your secrets.  They don't judge you, but they'll tell you the truth.  So while we may not always agree; we have respect for one another.

I am so lucky to have my other half Pat with me on this journey.  Pat has been my anchor during the good times and bad. But mostly they are wonderful.  So it wasn't like I was looking to develop another friend attachment.  All of it was quite accidental really. 

My life has changed now in a direction I least expected.  If you would have told me 10 or 20 years ago that I was to become a birder, I would have laughed.  Today I stand here at the edge of my own world spreading my wings because of my dear friend Kathie. There is no turning back now.  Every moment and experience has led me to this point in my life.  I must see the vanishing world.  I must see as much as I can before I die....or before it's gone.

Lewis's Woodpecker

I have found most of the common birds in Arizona and have discovered that my eyes are now digging hungrily deeper into the grasses and forests....uncovering even more birds that I had not seen before. Kathie and I have been a team for over a year.  And like any team working together with so much practice, we've become a dynamic duo.  We've honed in on our skills and learned to work like detectives finding elusive and hard to find birds.  And because of our love for birds and nature, we've put in many hundreds, if not a thousand or so, hours of field work together.

Broad-billed Hummingbird

People ask us if we have spouses.  Yes we do.  They join in on the fun when we're not birding together. But that doesn't stop us from texting or facebooking our latest finds while on the road away from each other.  Because of this constant communication, I found that I was developing that human bond known as friendship.

A nesting male Elegant Trogon

And now it's time for us to say good-bye.  When she first told me the news that they were leaving for the east coast, I had a human physical reaction known as crying:(  Like all friends and loved ones in life, they come and go. They are here and then they are gone....sometimes forever.  She taught me the protocols for being an excellent birder. Then she became my friend.  We can say that things won't change, but they do.  They have to change in order for us to grow.  And when she told me that they would be leaving very soon, I wasn't ready for the emotional meltdown that followed.  I hate human emotions. I especially hate expressing any emotion in front of people for I am a proud Scorpio.  If you have friends who are Scorpios, remember to give them shocking news by note or a text so that they can process their emotions in a quiet corner of the world away from people:)  I knew she'd be moving at some point (because that has been her life).  I just didn't think she'd be moving so quickly!

At Pinetop

But how does one go back to the same spaces and not think about the past?  A bittersweet thought. We've walked the canyons searching for the Elegant Trogon.  When we found him, we shared that special moment in silence under the dark skies of the dry river bed.  When we explored the rugged Box Canyon, the tire blew out and we changed it together making a stressful situation less....stressful.  At Florida Canyon, Kathie and I climbed a nasty rock spot where I blocked her from falling further down that terrible rock face. We climbed into the dark trees of Miller Canyon where Kathie found her first Mexican Spotted Owls. And we discovered that she was better at listening to directions than I was:) We spent a brief weekend camping up on Pinetop skirting a threatening and angry storm. Then we dodged falling rocks along the canyon walls as we hauled tail back to Tucson only to discover a magical space along the way near Winkelman called Christmas.  We watched thousands of Sandhill Cranes fly around us at the Whitewater Draw in the freezing temps. How do I go back to these places alone without thinking about those incredible times? So many incredible memories.

So when we stood one last time at the Whitewater Draw together watching the cranes call and fly around us, I couldn't think about the birds.  All I thought about was how much I'd miss my friend and how I'd miss sharing those epic moments together.  Change is exciting but saying good-bye is never easy.  And it will take time to adapt to her absence. But for now, in the way only a birder can do, I dedicate the Green-tailed Towhee as our official friendship bird.  It was the first incredibly strange bird I found with Kathie while on our first ever trek into Agua Caliente park.  Every time I see this bird on my walks, I will always think of that first awe inspiring moment with Kathie.

The Green-tailed Towhee

We'll bird again someday, but for now, I'm going to miss you....a lot.  Thank you for taking the time to show me what it is to be a good birder.  And thank you for your friendship. We've had the most amazing times and adventures.